A PhD student's poor work-life balance

David Coall, Centre for the Advancement of Teaching and Learning

This article does not provide an exemplar of work-life balance, nor does it suggest solutions for work-life imbalance; it is my experience of a poor balance and the issues that it raises.

My work/life balance was acceptable throughout the majority of my PhD studies. I would leave for work before everyone else was up to ensure I was home before my son’s bedtime. I had to work everyday collecting data for my research and teaching in the undergraduate courses in my school. But as a family we managed to maintain some balance. Unfortunately, in the last year of my studies my work-life balance completely skewed.

As my candidature had already exceeded the three and a half years, my partner and I decided it was time to pull out all stops and get the thing finished. My time at home was further reduced and time with my family often involved them visiting me at work. Weekends were a guilt-ridden experience. I continually felt I wasn’t reaching the end of my PhD and I had little to console my partner for her effort and sacrifice. She was essentially operating as a single parent during that time. And when you sit down with your son to explain why you are doing so much work and he gives you a big cheesy smile and genuinely says “don’t worry Dad you were home for Christmas” it is heart breaking.

I must emphasise that this was a considered position. The majority of our ‘spare’ time was spent checking and triple checking our options and whether this was what we should be doing. However, we were driven by the need for money and the goal of finishing, which would change our lives.

When you add to this the birth of our second child, our family was close to breaking point. During this time I thought my partner felt a lack of control, frustration and a constant drain on her support network. On asking her recently she said she felt lonely for herself and in her role as a parent. At the time we were keeping a tight lid on our emotions and could not risk asking how we felt, rather, it was how we should approach today or tomorrow. This was my first attempt at balancing family and career, and I failed.

Now I have finished my PhD and I have two half time jobs. I see my family in the morning and am home for dinner most nights. I don’t work weekends, but I do a bit in the evenings if necessary. We have planned a month-long family holiday and there are no conferences involved!

So, what is the lesson? Do not take on more work than is appropriate for your family situation and your ambitions. Keep communicating with your partner, parents, friends, children and colleagues about your work-life balance there is always a chance to improve.